Hodgkin's is back. In my L4 vertebrae and in a node near my colon. It's bad that the cancer's back. Bad that it's back so soon. Bad that it's back in a different place. I just finished my second hospital stay where I received ICE chemotherapy in preparation for an autologous stem cell transplant and BEAM chemotherapy, which will have me in the hospital for three weeks. That rosy diagnosis from before? Doesn't apply to me. The transplant has about a 50% chance of working.
I am exhausted.
I have been putting off updating this blog because the emotion, the tears, the pain, the fear are just too real. I'm not yet 30. I have a husband who means everything to me. My days are spent now trying to hold it all together, to keep it all in. I cry and ache with fear all day long. It's just too much.
I'm working on a shift in viewpoint. A decision to not yet be defeated. This post is a start. A restart. More to come.
