Hodgkin's is back. In my L4 vertebrae and in a node near my colon. It's bad that the cancer's back. Bad that it's back so soon. Bad that it's back in a different place. I just finished my second hospital stay where I received ICE chemotherapy in preparation for an autologous stem cell transplant and BEAM chemotherapy, which will have me in the hospital for three weeks. That rosy diagnosis from before? Doesn't apply to me. The transplant has about a 50% chance of working.
I am exhausted.
I have been putting off updating this blog because the emotion, the tears, the pain, the fear are just too real. I'm not yet 30. I have a husband who means everything to me. My days are spent now trying to hold it all together, to keep it all in. I cry and ache with fear all day long. It's just too much.
I'm working on a shift in viewpoint. A decision to not yet be defeated. This post is a start. A restart. More to come.
8 comments:
Oh, Tara. I have been checking to see if you had posted on your blog. Finally you have. You are in our thoughts daily and wish we could be there to help or hug or just spend time together. Love you.
Jen
Me too. Love you so much! I know you have it in you to pull through this. You are one of the toughest people I know.
I'm here to listen or distract from reality anytime you need!
Hugs and Kisses!
Hi, I have been thinking about you and wondering how it's all going? Please post an update or send me an email. I hope even if you don't write publicly that you are writing out all your woes because I know how cathartic it can be to just get it all out. Hope you're well.
Tam
Like I said before, I don't know you...I think I found you through Patrick in Nashville? Not sure, but I continue to see how you are doing. I am so sorry it is back. Fight with all your strength...I have you here in Nashville hoping and praying and giving you all my strength. Keep us in cyberland updated. We are here for you....
You are one of the most amazing people I've ever known. My dad is battling cancer ... just had 1/2 of a lung removed. I'm getting to see this fight up close and personal and I know what it takes. YOU, my friend, have what it takes to win this battle. I will continue to pray for you.
I am here to supply your shift in viewpoint. When I had my 30th birthday I was worn down, not realizing that my Hodgkin's lymphoma was also back. I did the autologous stem cell transplant schtick in the Fall-Winter of 05/06, starting in October, "finishing" in January.
Four years later I am cancer free and pregnant with my 3rd child. I want to be your hope. When I was in there all I wanted was another young person who I could look to as a glimmer of hope for the future. Forget about 50%. Got a glass half full? Focus on your future. Focus on the gift this can be - yeah, it sucks that you have cancer when you are 30 and should be doing other things but think of all the petty bullshit that people our age get wrapped up in that is never going to bother you again because you will have faced this and defeated it. I'm here for you sweetie. Can't wait to meet you. I am thinking of you every day and I have good feelings for your future. xoxo
Tara, You are in my prayers.
This blog is great source of information which is very useful for me. Thank you very much.
BEST INFORMATION ABOUT LYMPHOMA.
Post a Comment