Monday, May 19, 2008

Hello, Hodgkin's.

About a month ago I noticed a painful lump near my collarbone. It felt like an olive underneath my skin, on the right side of my neck. It ached like a deep bruise. Fast forward four doctor's visits, three misguided weeks of antibiotics, two biopsies, and one CT scan. Add that the lump throbbed when I drank alcohol, and that I woke a few mornings damp all over with sweat. I got the call at work. Hodgkin's lymphoma. Cancer.

So much is going through my head right now. So many questions. Today was my first meeting with an oncologist, and still so much left unanswered. This coming week will involve more CT scans, a P.E.T. scan, a bone marrow biopsy, a meeting with a fertility specialist to learn how to defend my 28-year-old body against sterility, and tests of my heart and lungs to make sure they're strong enough to stand up to the chemical cocktail coming my way.

I'm so scared. Since finding out last week I have Hodgkin's, I've gone from avoiding the computer for fear of what I'll learn to devouring all the info I can get my hands on. I've gone from depressed and alone to overwhelmed by how many people have contacted me with loving words. I've bitten Graham's head off out of stress and frustration and then've climbed into his arms for comfort, silence, safety.

By this time next week, I'll know what stage I'm in. 1A? 2B? Please, God, not 3 or 4. Hodgkin's does have a high survival rate, but this will be no picnic.

Thank you for reading my first post. I'm starting this blog to help me sort out my thoughts, document my progress, and provide a place for family, friends, and strangers to keep up with my treatments and communicate their thoughts and questions. I've already benefitted greatly from reading blogs posted by Hodgkin's survivors, and I pray if anything positive comes from this mess, it's hope and help for someone else.

Love you all.

Tara

13 comments:

Jessica said...

I'm glad you're blogging! I love you, and we're praying for you!!

Larry said...

We're with you, sweetie. Hang in there and lean on us when you need to.

Larry&Brenda

Peggy Blake said...

You will be in my DAILY thoughts and prayers.

Peggy Blake

TriSonq said...

Praying for you dear.

Toni said...

Stay Strong! I know this is the scariest time in your both of your lives right now. Know that I'm praying for you as well as the whole Vi-Jon crew. We love you guys and you will get through this. We are here whenever you need us.

Unknown said...

Tara,
Kev and I heard the news last week and you've been in our thoughts and prayers since. Your such a strong woman. Your faith, family, and friends will see you through this. Keep your chin up.

Jaime Surber said...

You are in my families prayers. If there is anything more I can do with the reunion planning to make things easier for you just let me know!

Jaime

Anonymous Traveler said...

We are thinking of you constantly. I love that you are blogging this. Helps me to feel closer when we are on the other side of the world. Love you and miss you!

Jen

jen o said...

Hey there coz,

Know that your in my thoughts and prayers!! If you need anything, don't hestitate to call.
P.S. We can have our own party and be the life of it!!!

Jen

erin said...

TARA,
just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about u, I am so glad you r at a lower stage then once expected. I am glad you guys finally got kittens you have been talking about it seems like forever. Tell Graham I said good job.
Erin from the Cole Center

Ronda said...

Tara we miss your beautiful smile and laughs around the office. Thinking of you daily.

Our prayers are with you. Keep your chin up and remember to smile everyday even on the tough days. :)

Ronda

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